Fat-T-Land

Hello, Everybody!

I told you (over a year and a half ago) that I would check in periodically, so here I am. Hahaha. Welcome to Fat-T-Land.

Well, my battle to lose weight is still an up-hill losing battle.   Guess what, I am considering doing weight loss surgery, pipe down everyone. It would be in the far distance,  because right at this moment, I don't even have health insurance.

Well, this past year and a half has been a battle from hell. I enjoyed yoga, swimming and bicycling at the (0ld) local gym.  Then, I was in an accident and became broken.  I fell off a ladder at my old work, and ended up with a concussion and torn vertebra's. Life sucked. To this day, I still have days where a normal level of functioning is not plausible without ingesting 800mg of ibuprofen with breakfast in the morning. 

I was in rehab for months. Several long, irritating months. When I say rehab, I mean physical therapy... you know where the doctors are that get paid to make you exercise, no matter how painful it may be.  I exercised there quite a bit.  But didn't make any use of the "real"gym. We ended up buying a house, no where near the 24hour fitness gym. So I cancelled it. Eventually a bought a membership at the fan-favorite LVAC (Which is also 24-hours, and they are building one near our new home, YAY)... Problem is, I have gone a hand full of times, due to an insane work schedule it just hasn't fit in much. I have tried a few classes. I tried a dance-class one (while in my Target uniform);  I was there, and was watching it. I didn't have the appropriate work-out close  and decided to jump in the chaos anyway. I think I am going to try to go tomorrow too. Screw that, I will go tomorrow.  I am going to try cycling while I am at it.  Other classes that I tried was some weird mix of yoga and something else, and water-aerobics (that killed my back.)

Well, anyway, lets get to why I am writing this. Remember all that fabulous fat I shrunk a few years back?  I have weighed myself recently, and it has all blown up again. Every damn ounce.

I've been thinking of doing a weight loss surgery for a while now. My dad did, and I have scene some undesirable effects from that, so I want to avoid doing that.  Dean doesn't want me to, but then my old high school principal indirectly reminded me that is my body, and I can do what I want.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds by my birthday of 2019... and if its not achieved I will seek medical assistance. If it is determined that I need medical intervention,  and need the surgery, I will probably not tell Dean, and just do it anyway. 

I kind of started this journey a few days ago. I have been more mindful of what I have been eating, and am trying really hard to avoid the crappy foods. Meals lately have consisted of: Cabbage,  eggs, mushrooms, fruits,  etc. I dropped cabbage on the floor the other day, and my dog got some of it, and the look she gave me was priceless, it was like "what the heck is this crap, " I laughed hysterically.

So far, I have shrunken 5 pounds.

Oh, I bought some supplements, I bought that Garcinia Cambogia stuff (Dr. Oz recommended for weight loss) and Apple Cider Capsules (also to aid in weight loss... Have any of you tried either of these? I bought them a couple of months back, but I am worried that they will tear up my digestive system, anyone know anything about these things?  Oh, and I think before I go to work in the mornings, I am going to do yoga by way of a you-tube channel.  This should be fun.

I've been wanting to get back on the train for a while now,  so we wish me luck.  I will be checking in a lot. I need the accountability and the support, cause heaven knows I don't get it from Dean.

Now, none of ya'll really need to know this, but to release it out of my system and let go of the anger,  I need to just get it out. While we were walking the little Lucky girl last week at night, several teen-age-wanna-be-african-american-thugs (not that race matters, but its an accurate description of who these idiots were); were yelling at us "fat-ass bitch" for a good 15 minutes, we did nothing but ignore them (which probably infuriated them more)  but then they did approach us, as if  to attack us.   They wanted us to engage in a fight with them, but we didn't. (Lucky's too cute and sweet to be a very good guard dog.)  I was so wishing we still had "Chance" with us  (whom we think is a Rottweiler/ pit mix we saved from being abandoned to become road kill on the freeway in California. Dean says next time they bother us, he will just call the authorities.  But I am confused as to why they even made the comments, I have never scene the idiots before, and don't want to again. 

Back to the happy stuff: After work tomorrow I will go to the dance class, therefore I am off to pack my gym back. Happy Dancing!

Yoga Time

Hello People that click on random links on fb!

Just  thought I would post a small update about this weight loss journey stuff.

I gained weight back. I don't know how much, but I know that I did.  Some people have (rudely) asked if I am going to go back on Medifast. And the answer is definitely  not. I think it was a band aid for a gushing wound.  I'm pretty convinced that the body can't sustain itself on such a low calorie, high processed, fake food diet for very long. I did some research about all the soy protein stuff in medifast food, and no, I have no desire to eat it.

I wanted to make a change, so guess what I did: I joined a gym! I joined the 24 hour gym, which is right around the corner from our house. I have received from flack from friends here in Las Vegas because I didn't join the most popular gym here (Las Vegas Athletic Club).... I choose 24 hour fitness because of it's close proximity to my house, and it's a national brand.

Additionally, my food intake includes whole foods... For breakfast today I totally had grilled asparagus, grilled mushrooms, and orange... I'm so weird, but it's okay, it's my truth.

A couple of months ago, I decided to try a studio class that my gym offers for free.  I showed up to Yoga.... I used to think that only people who lived in rv's had sported the hippie look participated in yoga... But much to my surprise, I enjoyed it! I have continually gone back.  I am the youngest in the class (the gym has a much more "mature population." ) Which used to bother me, but then I decided to let it go, I go to the gym for myself; no one else.

I was presently surprised to discover that this particular yoga class reminded me a lot of dance conditioning class, back when I was dancing.... I also discovered that some of the poses that she does multiple times in a row, in high rate of change, I shouldn't do more than 3 times....  My brain aneurysm made sure to remind me it still exist. Cue very high dizziness and feeling like I was going to have a seizure. Last week I talked to the teacher  (also a UNLV alumni)  I told her my health concern, and we worked together to find accommodations for me. Success!

This gym going routine is about getting healthier, not necessarily getting skinner.

I do not currently know what my weight is. I kinda don't care. I feel like people are going to love and appreciate me for being Tiana,  regardless if I am a size 00, or size 100. This journey is for me, not for anyone else!

You may wonder why I chose yoga class to attend; because it fits in my schedule (for now; I'm hoping to get a full time job, which would bounce me out of this particular class).... but I believed I needed the constancy of "I have class on these times and dates"..... and since  I am at the gym to do yoga, I take that opportunity to do weight lifting and cardio... haha... I manipulate myself into doing more than just yoga! LOL.

I feel like I have made progress, for two reasons. When I first started going to the gym, I could barely do a mile on the bikes in under 12 minutes, on Tuesday I completed 2 miles in under 10 minutes..... and two pairs of my pants that I just bought in January.... are getting too big! HAHAHA.

I'll check in periodically, probably not weekly like before.

I'm fat.

I my name is Tiana. And I am fat.

Yes. That is true.

A couple of years ago now I managed to lose 100 pounds.  It has come back pretty quickly. While I am not as big as I once was, I know that I have gained back a lot of weight. (50 pounds, give or take).

People have stopped me in passing, and have asked why I got fat again, and have told me that I am no longer pretty (no joke).  Some of these people have been therapist at my office. No joke.

In the last couple of years, I went through fertility treatments alone, wanted a divorce, found an overnight job, that was strenuous.  And of course, I ate food that is marvelously-bad-for-you. I blame that on my insane schedule.  

I decided to go back on Medifast full throttle last week.  I lost 9 pounds this week. (I’m at 191 today).

But, it has left my brain cells concerned. The number one ingredient in every meal replacement made by Medifast, is Soy Protein Isolate.   I’m not sure what that really is, but I am a little concerned about the long term impact on my body.

Remember, my friend “Eric” who introduced me to the program? Well, he had been on it so long, that he began to have hormonal imbalances that were traced back to the Soy Protein Isolate (he has way too much estrogen, in his body)….. I am worried that my body is mirroring what happened to him. 

My body feels just the same as it did when I was going through infertility treatments…. Read that as my body receiving lots and lots of hormone injections, lots of pain, lots of being overly emotional, lots of feeling like I have fluid buildup in my uterus.  and lots of feeling funky.  Speaking of feeling funky: I work overnight at Target on the Weekends. I knew that was going to be the real test; if I could get through a shift without fainting or passing out.

Both days this weekend: that was hard not to do!  On Medifast you have to eat every 2-3 hours in order to sustain your body…. But when you have group breaks and lunches (that aren’t always at the same time, every day) that was not possible to do…… I felt dizzy, light-headed, slow, and sluggish. Not good when you are on a time-limit to get a whole lot done, and not a lot of time to do it.

I woke up, and looked at my wide array of medifast food…. I didn’t want any of it…. I just wanted real food.  Am I really ready to give up? But, if you know me….. I don’t give up on anything, ever…. So, I don’t know what to do.

A few months back, I read, okay, that a lie, I listened to a book called Whole 30 on audible. It was a great book. And it explained the dietary requirements that our bodies have: natural sources of protein, fruits and vegetables.  No dairy, no sugar.   I don’t remember what it said about carbs such as bread. I remember feeling like the book was correct.  It was telling me what I already believed in (the Word of Wisdom).

Am I ready to give up on Medifast and go back to real food? Oh, and I am going to be camping for two weeks this summer (this weekend and some week in July).  And I don’t know how I can do Medifast when I am near family members, who are all eating real foods. I just don’t know. I also don’t know how I am going to prepare the meal replacements (aka, a microwave).

Oh, and let’s talk about exercise. Something about riding a bike in the cool mornings in Las Vegas has me completely intrigued, I am severely attracted to the idea. While I was in California in the beginning of the month, I spotted an orange bike that I fell in love with. I was an orange cruiser bike (yeah, make fun of me all you want, but I think it is more comfortable due to its wider seat and tires then the traditional bikes)…. But I didn’t get it. Now, I am looking for that same bike in in Vegas.

I’m also thinking it is possible to obtain weight loss in a healthier way then Soy Protein Isolates.  But I don’t know if I have the capacity to stick to healthy diet and exercise….. I don’t want to admit defeat on Medifast though…. Since you know I am kind of already admitting defeat on my weight loss…. 


I think that Medifast was just a bandaid for a gaping wound to tell you the truth.... 

Peer pressure

Well, I promise I am still alive. Sort of.

Summer has been fairly busy, I took a summer class. Yuck. I hated every second of that class, it truly amazes  me that someone could project his ignorance on to an entire class, and get paid for it. That's a whole different story. Another rant, for another day.

One of the most annoying questions I have encountered has become if I am maintaining my wight loss. I have found that keeping a steady number on the scale is embarrassingly impossible.  Everyone's weight fluctuates, or so I have  been told.

I have tried many, many times to "go back and stay on" medifast. I have, but I have quit it more times then I can count.

My last bout  of going back on MediFast that I blogged in April didn't end very well....Because it is such a low calorie diet, I found myself nearly passing out, at work. Isn't that a lovely scenario? I decided to go off plan and try maintaining my weight the old fashioned way. With real foods.

For my food during my summer class I took I tried to make 3 ingredient granola bars. Oatmeal, peanut butter, and honey. They weren't half bad. But I found myself not being able to stay awake during that class. I am pretty sure I had somewhat of a caffeinated IV fueled by diet Mt. Dew. No type of soda helps with maintaining weight.

In conjunction with soda during summer school, my marriage got into some serious trouble. I remembered my parents always having family meals together. I also remembered the saying "the family that eats together stays together." So, I made a conscious effort to try and make breakfast and Dinner for Dean and I. We don't eat meals together, so I thought just by changing one thing in our marriage, I could try and save it, so we ate meals together, and some things improved. But,  I knew my weight was on a steady incline.

A couple of weeks ago, against my better financially sense, I decided to order a small order of medifast and plunge forward ahead.   I decided that while I was waiting for my food to arrive, that I would go back on plan with the old food I had.  I survived a few days, until the car broke down and I was stuck out and about without any "to-go foods," I ended up eating out, and jumping ship that day. I didn't have any of the medifast products that are "on the go." Then, last Wednesday I went back on the program. The first 3 days were utter hell.  I had a splitting headache that felt like I had an ax in my head. After that, it wasn't too bad though.

My friend that told me about the program told me that he was going to give me his remaining food that he had bought (about a months worth).  You are probably wondering why he is not going to use it. Long story short, his doctors advised him that he can no longer use the MediFast products. You might be wondering why something so "good for you" (weight loss) can end up being so bad for you.  MediFast products are made with whey and soy proteins, and apparently when you eat those proteins as your main source of nutrition, your body may have adverse reaction to them, and thus become damaged. He shared with me some of his adverse reactions with me, and in the interest of confidentiality, I will only list one thing. He had encountered a major hormonal imbalance, so much so that it became dangerous, which resulted in his doctors telling him to stop MediFast.

Over the last several months I have found my self wanting to exercise. When I wasn't on medifast, I had more energy then I knew what to do with. I actually wanted to exercise, I even used a hula hoop for cardio in my living room, and my pets as weights. But I wanted more structured exercise, but I didn't want to do it by myself. I found myself missing my first loves: Soccer and dancing.  UNLV gym has various exercise classes, but since I didn't actually attend summer semester, it would cost a pretty penny to attend.

Then, one day I had to go to my agency's office. I was peer pressured into going to an Insanity class that is held at the office. I went, and I L-O-V-E-D it. I felt so good doing something for myself, with others doing the same thing. I even enticed Dean to go with me next day. How is that for trying to save a marriage? Eating together, and exercising together. I want to do the insanity classes daily. So much fun, even though I was pretty much the only English speaker there.  But even that didn't bother me. I enjoyed the exercise, the loud music, and the comradery.

I have stuck to the plan for a week now, and I am hating my life with such limitations.  It's been the hardest thing I have ever done. And I don't have the motivation to stay on it. I begrudgingly so, have stayed on it. But I don't want to.  You aren't allowed to exercise while on medifast, so my idea was to shed the multiple pounds of fat, and then go back to insanity and tone my muscles right up.

But, now I have come at a cross roads. I recently accepted a job offer, working overnights, doing manual labor. Which means, I will not be able to do such a low calorie diet. But, the good news is that job basically has built in exercise for an entire shift.  With this new job, I want to save my on the go foods for my breaks while at work, but I am not planning on ever purchasing more food from them again. Yes, I have said that before.

Last week, the scale revealed 169.  Today it revealed 162.  That means I am once again in the overweight category on the BMI chart.  But I am only a couple of pounds of being in the healthy category again. I hate that chart, because the consensus in my house is that I got some serious muscles on my arms from the workouts that I did do in my house, and at insanity.

No, it didn't work as well as my first attempt at it, maybe I had so much belief in it, that it worked so well just based on faith? Or maybe it didn't work as well because I didn't have as much to lose?  As for my pant sizes, I am still able to fit a a size 6 shorts (barely) and size 10ish pants (depending on brand).  I just can't decide if I want to stay on it, or jump off ship, in preparation for my new job. I can't do medifast completely and work at my job because I will need the carbs for energy.

The End of an Era

Well... One week has come and gone... I stayed true to the Medifast plan until last night where I ate some corn that Dean had attempted to cook my way,  and I needed to rescue him (he didn't ask for directions, and just started trying to figure it out on his own....) I tasted it so that I could make the nessesary adjustments, and cook his dinner. Corn isn't allowed on the MediFast diet  because it is too high in sugar and Carbs.

The previous  weekend we went to an arts and crafts festival where we purchased some bread, but I immediately threw it all in the freezer. I figure that its okay to have temptation in the house, as long as I can't see it. LOL... Speaking of temptation, Dean and I went to the market this weekend to get Halibut, it was on a killer deal, and its the only sea food that I find palatable. Of course Dean checked out the clearance section, where he found Caramel Carbury eggs... We got a few packages, with the reasoning that this will most likely be the last year that you can get them in the US.... I didn't want to eat them, so I again, shoved them in the fridge. I'd like to, but my scale says that I really shouldn't. 

This morning, I went to pack my day's worth of food.... and my heart shattered when I discovered that I was completely out of MediFast on the go bars. Apparently I had empty boxes just chilling on my "diet food shelves." I still have minimal amount of soups and shakes but those are not very conducive for my needs of eating a quick meal in between classes.  Due to the rise in prices, and us saving up for very large purchases,  we are not capable of purchasing any more MediFast foods, which we knew when we placed our last order. An end of era has arrived.  I must figure out how to lose weight, and maintain weight with out the aid of pre-packaged meals.

I often wonder if I would be more serious about maintaining my weight if I had lost it the hard way. Meaning, hours of blood, sweat, and tears spent at the gym.  I wonder if I lost the weight the easy way, and am now paying the price for it. I'm stressing out about maintaining.

Oh, I forgot to mention last post that when I went to see my physciain for an eye problem, he stated that he was concerend with my weight.... I looked too skinny. Can't win. Can't lose. He has always been concerned with adverse side effects raising from losing too much.  I also forgot to mention last week that when I was hanging out with my new friends here, it was the happiest I have felt since moving here, and perhaps in my entire adult life. That begs the question: does consuming food cause happiness, or does the company of good friends?

This Wednesday night Dean and I are planning on going to the final dinner at the culinary school for date night.  I hope this doesn't effect the scale too badly. Maybe I shall go for a swim that day.

I was hoping to shake hands with the 100 pound weight loss mark once again today, but that didn't happen. The scale revealed 148. Just three pounds shy of reclaiming the 100 pounds gone, and 10 pounds total lost last week. I was greatly disappointed, but 10 pounds is double what they say to expect the first week.  I think in order to help me with all of this nonsense of losing three more pounds and maintaining, I am going to pack a lunchbox of fresh fruits and vegetables, and protein to be consumed throughout the day.

Who knew all things regarding weight loss could be so stressful?!

Didn't Care.

This will be short and sweet since I have to go to class very soon.

Many moons ago, I went back on Medifast, for a couple of days. It was excruciatingly hard to go back on it when I had been enjoying real food for such a long time, I realized how hard it is to actually follow the directions.  Then I launched myself right back off.  I didn't care. The culinary school had one of their lunches that I had wanted to go to. It was bacon themed, completed with bacon brownies. I continued to not go back on Medifast for a bit, and I evened out at about 155,  with a standard deviation of about 3 pounds (depending on day, date, what I recently ate, etc). I  can feel the extra poundage on me, and I don't like it.Not one bit. It's rather disappointing.

During this time,  I ate out with my friends a lot. For the first time in our entire duration of living here, I feel like I have made some really good friends. I felt loved and included.  I was actually invited to a birthday dinner for one of them, and I went. It was Greek food (not all that bad for you, but still high in calories, I am sure).  I have never been invited out with people here (other then Mitchell... I need to hire a private investigator to track down his butt... The look on his face when I see him again is something I truly long for) here in Vegas, and I didn't want to not be invited again, so I went with them, and had a marvelous time! This same group of friends is avid gym goers and hikers, we are planning the next hike, so I think just being around them will aid in me living a healthy lifestyle.

I ate multiple lunches at the culinary school, the last one I attended was last week, and the ran out of room in the dining room, so I got to sit at the "VIP" table in the kitchen, and was able to watch these students cook my food.... Ironically becasue I knew them all.  I was in their culinary class last semester. But it was incredibly fun. The experience outweighed the regret, back then. Now, it is the opposite.

My shenanigans of not eating very well continued.... I even made Pop Tart donuts for crying out loud (with the intention of giving them to someone else, but I ate them instead)... which means I have to go and re-make them for the intended recipient.  I think I take after my mom somewhat... See something cool/ taste something yummy and then spend hours and sometimes days re-creating it. I think I really do.

Yesterday, I decided to go back on Medifast for the final time, hopefully ever. Yesterday morning I weighed 158, today 154, so I am pleased... 10 more to go... That seems like such a huge number... Remember when I said 90 more to go? LOL. It's all perspective I guess.

I'll check back in next week! Thanks for all the support!

The Revenge of the Fat

I can't count how many times I have been asked "Are you maintaining your weight?" To that question, I say "Yeah, sure." When in reality, that is partial truth. The holidays came and went, I already talked about the holiday pounds though. Then, I found myself swimming in hormonal treatments in preparation for fertility treatment, all of those medications I had to inject myself with, or ingest listed weight gain as a side effect. Lovely, right?

The treatment came and gone, and I weighed myself when we got word that it failed (I didn't weigh myself during the shots) and I saw the numbers 154 appear... Crap.... According to the government, that means that I was now, once again, overweight. I decided not to care for a while.  For nearly 3 months I tried not to care, but my clothes were fitting tighter and tighter, and I was forced to care. I hid the scale, but I could literally feel the extra poundage on me, I felt like a marshmallow, or like I had been wrapped in bubble wrap (which might not be a bad idea for me, but ya know, not totally plausible)

Dean's work is having a weight loss competition (the winner wins 1,000 bucks... that's a lot for us puny little folks!) So he decided to order another order of Medifast, in order to (attempt) to win the competition. I had been wanting to go back on MediFast, as I still had a good month of food left over from Round 1 of losing the weight.  Since he decided to go back on plan, I decided to join him. I have now completed the first week back on plan!

Last Monday when I weighed myself, the numbers 154 appeared again, so I guess that does technically mean that I did maintain those holiday-mixed with hormones- pounds. But I didn't want to. I want to maintain my 100 pound weight loss. Yes, yes I do. So, I rejoined the medifast program, and this will be my last month ever on the program (there prices skyrocketed as of March 1, and they sent us food that expired within 2 weeks of our order, I am so not happy with them right now). Today, I weighed in at 147. I lost a measly 7 pounds last week, but I will take it.  I want to hit 143 again, and that shouldn't be too far off.  Once I hit that weight, I will go back to eating normal people food, minus all the sugar, greasy, carby crap that I ate while while mourning our attempt at parenthood. I also plan on revisiting my old friend, the swimming pool in the gym at UNLV. I paid for it with part of my tuition, might as well use it, right?  I also plan on staying out of the candy bowl, and away from the ice cream machine at the institute. :)

Dean also lost 7 pounds last week, so we are the tortoise and the hare, slowing getting back down to a healthy weight, for each of us.  I think it will only take a couple of more weeks for me to get back down to my "target weight" of 143, and then I will be in transition all over again, in which I will continue to eat the medifast foods that I currently have, since they are super easy to take with me to school, but I will once again re-add all fruits and vegetables. Having the on-the-go-medifast stuff makes life so much cheaper and healthier when I am at school 12 hours a day. I can eat those instead of dining at the food court, food out is very expensive. I got a salad last Friday for my lean and green meal from a place on campus, and they have 5 dollar specials each day, but there special that day had Parmesan cheese with it (and you can't substitute items on the specials) so I literally paid 2 bucks extra for my salad in order to avoid the Parmesan cheese! LOL.. Yes, I have problems. I know it.

Yes, you can say that a 10 pound weight gain back isn't all that bad, but when you put it into perspective that means that I gained 10% back, and I REALLY don't want those pounds. Nope. Nope. Nope. I have scene many people lose weight, just to add it back again, and I don't want to be in those statistics. I really don't.

Oh, and I do think that I have somewhat of an issue with gluten, since the second I started eating bread again my bile reflux made sure to let me know that it exists.... So, if anyone would be willing to share tricks or recipes of how to live gluten free, I'd welcome them!  I'll check back in next week!