Hello, fellow blog stalkers.
Long time, no see? Right. It’s been quite some time since I checked in, I totally fell off the wagon. Some of you know this, but most do not.
Not long after my last check in, my dad suddenly passed away. I lost my (adoptive) mom at 10 years old, and my dad at age 35. I don’t remember those feelings at 10 years old. But, at 35 years old, losing my last parent messed me up so bad. Most people who lose their last parent, do so much older than I am now, and they have their siblings to rally around them and help them through that. Not me. I had to shift from being a sibling, to being a parental figure to my special needs siblings. I have had to deal with courts, paperwork, insane amount of anger that I was put in this situation, when I didn’t ask for it. I wish every day that he was still here.
My dad was always my cheerleader, once a week he would ask me how my weight loss was going. He helped keep my accountable. On my birthday (the last time I saw him alive) he knew I was doing low carb, so he made sure to make me low carb (eggplant) lasagna. I haven’t known what to with my feelings of grief and anger, so, usually on Sundays (when he would call) I would lock my self in my room, have a movie marathon, and eat popcorn and unhealthy snacks and candies. Once a week, I gave myself permission to feel, to mourn and to be angry as hell that my dad is gone. People grieve in all manner of ways, and this has been mine. Judge me if you want, I don’t care.
When I started my weight loss journey of 2020, my planned reward was a cruise. In 2021 it got cancelled, so I rescheduled it, with the mantra that my dad unknowingly impressed upon me in the wake of his departure, that you only live once, enjoy it while you can. We all end up in the same place. So I decided to take the cruise anyway. It was such a blast, if I could I would do it every year. I loved the cruise so much, because I didn’t have to worry about anything, and the cast and crew on board, made me feel so loved. But, I look back on the pictures, and realized how huge I was.
I have toyed with the idea of going back on 310 or medifast. But I like real food, so much better.
A few weekends ago, I went to Knott’s Berry Farm with my kiddos and their mom, and I got kicked off of a ride for being too large. That was probably the most humiliating thing to have ever happened in my life.
The next day after we returned, I went on Keto, full steam ahead. In order to keep myself aligned, I have been doing meal prep on Sundays, for the week ahead. I make meals, and on Mondays, I take them in my lunch bag (which I had to get because some jackass kept eating/throwing my food away at work.) And thats where my meals live for the whole week. So far, so good. I got a smoker last summer, and I absolutely love that thing. I usually smoke my meat on Saturdays or Sundays.
Now, here is the problem. I know that I have events/vacations coming up. I know I don’t want to “cheat” but at the same time, I want to enjoy the events and the people we are celebrating. In a few weeks time, I will be celebrating my siblings’ birthday (we have always celebrated them together, because they are just a few days apart.) It looks like this year it will just be Dean, my sister and I, due to my brothers preposterous behavior. I’m debating weather I want to shove his behavior under the rug, or stick to my long standing stance that I don’t reward for bad behaviors. But, to celebrate my sisters birthday, I made reservations for the old spaghetti factory (we don’t have one in Vegas) And to celebrate my birthday, I have reservations for Hell’s Kitchen. Can I have enough restraint in me to have a couple of cheat days, and then go right back on my journey???
Of course, I got side tracked.
The day I weighed in on my first day of doing Keto, I was 255 pounds. That is the heaviest, and ugliest I have ever been.
My first weigh in after that (one week) I was registering at 247 pounds.
Today (exactly two weeks later) I weigh in at. 245.
Non scale victory; 2 weeks ago I was wearing size 24 pants. On Saturday, I fit into and bought size 18.
Oh, and to shock you all: I am heavily looking into bariatric surgery. I’m so sick of the yo-yo diets. But for now Keto is working until I successfully find a more permanent solution. I’m scared that most bariatric surgeries in town take place at the hospital in tent city, and I don’t want to go there.
Everyone grieves differently and you have to do what works for you. No one should judge you for that.
ReplyDeleteKeto works amazingly if you can stick to it. Ensure your water intake stays up, your salt intake increases a little, and your healthy fat intake is good. Low salt and too little fats can make you tired and easily exhausted so have “fat bombs” on hand (google some recipes) to ensure you can bring it up if it drops.
Also a lot of places offer keto-friendly foods and you can enjoy them while eating out. Think high protein, high fat, minimal carbs (meats & vegetables). Anytime you kick your body out of ketosis, your body weight will increase (even just for a few days) unless you gradually reintroduce other foods. So be prepared for the scale to say you screwed everything up even if you didn’t just by being off for a couple days. It will fall back off quickly when you restart keto (just want to give you the heads up on this one).
The bikinibodymommy person I’ve followed for waitloss and nutrition has a 100% keto program called The Surge. It gives a workout for 7 days and has a ton of keto-friendly recipes. Some of her other programs also have keto options.