We have been off the program now since mid November. I think if we would of stayed on the program, we would of reached our weight-loss goals by now. But that didn't happen. We had a host of issues that sucked our piggy bank bone-dry. Car repairs, fridge replacement, water heater replacement, microwave replacements, books and tuition to pay for school, etc. Well, we waded through the torture of all of that, and were FINALLY able to purchase the food again.
While taking a vacation from the program we enjoyed normal people food, including girl scout cookies, a buffet, and Gordon Ramsay's Burgr joint.... that food was simply addicting, amazing, and not too expensive.
It arrived Friday. Yesterday I went to the container store and bought these cool basket-shelves thingamajig things for them and organized them better. Last time we just had them on our table, but our three new kittens have claimed the table as their bed and looking out the window perch. I thought it was prophetic that the colors of these neat little organizers are light colors. :)
I thought getting this great food would be met with excitement, the same as Christmas is met with excitement for little kids.
But instead, excitement did not reach my radar of emotions. Instead it was met with feelings of fear and depression.
I'm scared that it won't work as well this time a round. I'm scared that history will repeat itself and that we will have unpredictable costs come and steal any and all reserve money that we have.
Also, I don't really know how much I want this for myself. After all, God gave me this body, and I'm
content in it.
But then I think about what I want out of this body. Kids. I know I have to loose another 80ishpounds before beginning fertility treatments. (If our relationship lasts....talk of divorce is a constant in our dialogue in our "relationship" these days...)
But regardless, If we do survive this, I want kids. Fertility treatments I can forsee becoming a part of our lives within the next three years. I need to loose the weight.
I'm also kind of scared this time of round.... I haven't told our health coaches that we are starting back up on plan.... I am not sure I should or not. Although it was great to have the support and be held accountable, the constant inquiries of when I am going to obtain new clients to coach, is a tad bit irrigating. I want people to come to me and inquire about the program, I don't want to have to "sell" them on anything!
On the coaching front----Dean is still my only client. Which is okay, I'm not going to flaunt advertisements on taxi cabs or anything.... I figured since I am in school, I am around a lot of people. I think if I stay on plan throughout this semester my friends in my classes will notice the weight loss and ask about it, and I can acquire clients that way.
But, I am happy to announce that I didn't gain too many pounds back since we went completely off the program.... I can still fit in a comfortable size 20 pants (that's a downgrade from the entirely way too tight "24 Wide Petite" I was in before trying the weightless program. So that's good news.
Well.... here's to re-starting our journey to health, tomorrow!
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