Check in

 Last week in review, 

Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. It was all I could do to keep from losing my mind. I stayed on the program and didn’t divulge in nonsense, like fast food, candy, and ice cream. Except that’s a lie. I had couple of bites of Keto Chocolate, and a few bites of Keto Ice cream.  A girl sure knows how to spoil herself. LOL.  

However, we went to two concerts last week. Luke Bryan on Friday and Shania Twain on Saturday (don’t judge me). I didn’t get any candy, popcorn, or soda (ya’ll should be really proud of me). On Saturday, we parked on the 9th floor, and quickly discovered that the elevator was out of service.  That meant we had to go down the stairs, and up the stairs.  I made it. I didn’t die. 9 flights of stairs. 

For entertainment:  a couple of weeks before starting Keto, I bought a new belt. Yesterday I had to punch several more holes in the stupid thing for it to be a properly, functioning belt for my fat self. 

We will see that this week brings.  I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday (I’m 60%  sure I am looking at a foot surgery.) I would love the down time, but I will miss being active. 

Speaking of being active, thanks to our governor pulling his head of his rear end and no longer having control over what people do with their bodies,  masks are no longer required at the gym. I am planning on going back this week. Probably not until after my appointment though, I really need to figure out what’s going on with my body first. 

Today’s weigh in was 243. I hope I can break into the 230’s in the next five weeks or so.

Return of Fatso-T

 Hello, fellow blog stalkers. 

Long time, no see? Right.  It’s been quite some time since I checked in,  I totally fell off the wagon. Some of you know this, but most do not. 

Not long after my last check in, my dad suddenly passed away.  I lost my (adoptive) mom at 10 years old, and my dad at age 35. I don’t remember those feelings at 10 years old. But, at 35 years old, losing my last parent messed me up so bad.  Most people who lose their last parent, do so much older than I am now, and they have their siblings to rally around them and help them through that. Not me. I had to shift from being a sibling, to being a parental figure to my special needs siblings.  I have had to deal with courts, paperwork, insane amount of anger that I was put in this situation, when I didn’t ask for it.  I wish every day that he was still here. 

My dad was always my cheerleader,  once a week he would ask me how my weight loss was going. He helped keep my accountable. On my birthday (the last time I saw him alive) he knew I was doing low carb, so he made sure to make me low carb (eggplant) lasagna.  I haven’t known what to with my feelings of grief and anger, so, usually on Sundays (when he would call) I would lock my self in my room,  have a movie marathon, and eat popcorn and unhealthy snacks and candies.  Once a week, I gave myself permission to feel, to mourn and to be angry as hell that my dad is gone.  People grieve in all manner of ways, and this has been mine. Judge me if you want, I don’t care. 

When I started my weight loss journey of 2020, my planned reward was a cruise. In 2021 it got cancelled, so I rescheduled it, with the mantra that my dad unknowingly impressed upon me in the wake of his departure, that you only live once, enjoy it while you can. We all end up in the same place. So I decided to take the cruise anyway.  It was such a blast,  if I could I would do it every year. I loved the cruise so much, because I didn’t have to worry about anything, and the cast and crew on board,  made me feel so loved. But, I look back on the pictures, and realized how huge I was. 

I have toyed with the idea of going back on 310 or medifast. But I like real food, so much better. 

A few weekends ago, I went to Knott’s Berry Farm with my kiddos and their mom, and I got kicked off of a ride for being too large. That was probably the most humiliating thing to have ever happened in my life. 

The next day after we returned, I went on Keto, full steam ahead.  In order to keep myself aligned, I have been doing meal prep on Sundays, for the week ahead.  I make meals, and on Mondays, I take them in my lunch bag (which I had to get because some jackass kept eating/throwing my food away at work.) And thats where my meals live for the whole week. So far, so good.  I got a smoker last summer, and I absolutely love that thing. I usually smoke my meat on Saturdays or Sundays. 

Now, here is the problem. I know that I have events/vacations coming up.  I know I don’t want to “cheat” but at the same time, I want to enjoy the events and the people we are celebrating. In a few weeks time, I will be celebrating my siblings’ birthday (we have always celebrated them together, because they are just a few days apart.) It looks like this year it will just be Dean, my sister and I, due to my brothers preposterous behavior. I’m debating weather I want to shove his behavior under the rug, or stick to my long standing stance that I don’t reward for bad behaviors.  But, to celebrate my sisters birthday,  I made reservations for the old spaghetti factory (we don’t have one in Vegas) And to celebrate my birthday, I have reservations for Hell’s Kitchen. Can I have enough restraint in me to have a couple of cheat days, and then go right back on my journey???

Of course, I got side tracked. 

The day I weighed in on my first day of doing Keto, I was 255 pounds. That is the heaviest, and ugliest I have ever been.  

My first weigh in after that (one week) I was registering at 247 pounds. 

Today (exactly two weeks later) I weigh in at. 245.

Non scale victory; 2 weeks ago I was wearing size 24 pants. On Saturday, I fit into and bought size 18. 

Oh, and to shock you all: I am heavily looking into bariatric surgery. I’m so sick of the yo-yo diets. But for now Keto is working until I successfully find a more permanent solution.  I’m scared that most bariatric surgeries in town take place at the hospital in tent city, and I don’t want to go there.