I'm fat.

I my name is Tiana. And I am fat.

Yes. That is true.

A couple of years ago now I managed to lose 100 pounds.  It has come back pretty quickly. While I am not as big as I once was, I know that I have gained back a lot of weight. (50 pounds, give or take).

People have stopped me in passing, and have asked why I got fat again, and have told me that I am no longer pretty (no joke).  Some of these people have been therapist at my office. No joke.

In the last couple of years, I went through fertility treatments alone, wanted a divorce, found an overnight job, that was strenuous.  And of course, I ate food that is marvelously-bad-for-you. I blame that on my insane schedule.  

I decided to go back on Medifast full throttle last week.  I lost 9 pounds this week. (I’m at 191 today).

But, it has left my brain cells concerned. The number one ingredient in every meal replacement made by Medifast, is Soy Protein Isolate.   I’m not sure what that really is, but I am a little concerned about the long term impact on my body.

Remember, my friend “Eric” who introduced me to the program? Well, he had been on it so long, that he began to have hormonal imbalances that were traced back to the Soy Protein Isolate (he has way too much estrogen, in his body)….. I am worried that my body is mirroring what happened to him. 

My body feels just the same as it did when I was going through infertility treatments…. Read that as my body receiving lots and lots of hormone injections, lots of pain, lots of being overly emotional, lots of feeling like I have fluid buildup in my uterus.  and lots of feeling funky.  Speaking of feeling funky: I work overnight at Target on the Weekends. I knew that was going to be the real test; if I could get through a shift without fainting or passing out.

Both days this weekend: that was hard not to do!  On Medifast you have to eat every 2-3 hours in order to sustain your body…. But when you have group breaks and lunches (that aren’t always at the same time, every day) that was not possible to do…… I felt dizzy, light-headed, slow, and sluggish. Not good when you are on a time-limit to get a whole lot done, and not a lot of time to do it.

I woke up, and looked at my wide array of medifast food…. I didn’t want any of it…. I just wanted real food.  Am I really ready to give up? But, if you know me….. I don’t give up on anything, ever…. So, I don’t know what to do.

A few months back, I read, okay, that a lie, I listened to a book called Whole 30 on audible. It was a great book. And it explained the dietary requirements that our bodies have: natural sources of protein, fruits and vegetables.  No dairy, no sugar.   I don’t remember what it said about carbs such as bread. I remember feeling like the book was correct.  It was telling me what I already believed in (the Word of Wisdom).

Am I ready to give up on Medifast and go back to real food? Oh, and I am going to be camping for two weeks this summer (this weekend and some week in July).  And I don’t know how I can do Medifast when I am near family members, who are all eating real foods. I just don’t know. I also don’t know how I am going to prepare the meal replacements (aka, a microwave).

Oh, and let’s talk about exercise. Something about riding a bike in the cool mornings in Las Vegas has me completely intrigued, I am severely attracted to the idea. While I was in California in the beginning of the month, I spotted an orange bike that I fell in love with. I was an orange cruiser bike (yeah, make fun of me all you want, but I think it is more comfortable due to its wider seat and tires then the traditional bikes)…. But I didn’t get it. Now, I am looking for that same bike in in Vegas.

I’m also thinking it is possible to obtain weight loss in a healthier way then Soy Protein Isolates.  But I don’t know if I have the capacity to stick to healthy diet and exercise….. I don’t want to admit defeat on Medifast though…. Since you know I am kind of already admitting defeat on my weight loss…. 


I think that Medifast was just a bandaid for a gaping wound to tell you the truth....